I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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