I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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