I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
