Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
