he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
