Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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