Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
