in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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