She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
