p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
