I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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