He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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