Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
