So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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