Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Still dying that you shit outside
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
