i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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