i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
