You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
