Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
