Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
