Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
