She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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