i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
