At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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