I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you didnt know i had herpes?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
