i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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