If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
