next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
