you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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