just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
