you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My ATM looks so different sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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