If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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