I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
