I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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