My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
