Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
