hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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