Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
