The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
