he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
