I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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