are you still at the devil's house?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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