I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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