Whod you bang
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
