Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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