I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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