Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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