yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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