Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i drank out of a bidet.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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