So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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