So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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