i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
