I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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