woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
