Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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