I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
