I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
