So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
