Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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