2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do vagina's smell?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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