I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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