Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
