areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
