Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I touched a dick in church today
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
