we're chasing vodka with high fives
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
