i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
