Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
