She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
