dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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